We all have it at one time or another. Working moms have it.
Stay at home moms have it. We get it when we are with our children but want to
be somewhere else. We get it when we are somewhere else and want to be with our
children. It’s always there, so now what do we DO about it?
I know I have struggled with this from day 1 of being a mom.
Right after I had a baby, my husband encouraged me to take time for myself, go
shopping for new non-maternity clothes, get a pedicure. I would get out the
door and be away from the house for 30 minutes before I would get this strong
urge to run home and be with my family. I felt guilty spending money on myself,
when I could be spending it on something for my family or my baby.
And then I hit a wall. I was going nuts. I was neglecting myself, my interests, my health. I was cranky and crabby and not a very nice mommy. That’s when I realized that to be a good mom and wife, I NEED that time to myself. I still feel the need to be with my family, but it’s not because of guilt. It’s because I WANT to be around them. I try to go out to dinner with a friend once a week, go grocery shopping by myself (heaven!) and do a little clothes shopping when I have the money. I need that time away, that time to do whatever I want. I try to enjoy the moment that I am in, knowing it will pass and another moment will move in. That’s the best I can do at this time. How do you deal with the guilt?
I deal with this every.single.day. My main (internal) conflict is that I am away from Durham for 9 hours a day, five days a week. I feel like the rest of my time should be spent with him. I WANT to spend it with him and the hubs. and I have MAJOR mommy guilt when I'm not with him. I am even to the point where if I grocery shop alone, it's after he's in bed for the night, or if I get my haircut, I schedule it during work house and take 1/2 day of vacation so I won't miss any time with him. I hate mommy guilt, but I love spending time with my kid... I don't know where the line is.
ReplyDeletePam, I do the same thing. I put Emmie to bed and then go grocery shopping, or to dinner. When I leave her with Zach to go do something just for me, I have to remind myself that he is getting quality time with her, but I miss her SO! It's hard, but I always feel better once I've had a little break.
DeleteI know it's not quite the same thing because I am only a dog-mom so that's all I can compare it to, but I have TONS of guilt just for not being with the dog. I can't imagine what a hard time I would have for my own child! I'd drive myself crazy about it. Sure you are doing great -- and I believe it's super healthy for both you and Emmie to have time away. It's that much sweeter to come back together.
ReplyDeleteI think the guilt (as uncomfortable as it is) marks us as wonderful mothers. Just think if we didn’t feel guilt about not being with our family. For awhile I thought of my time at work as ‘my time’ but that isn’t fair to me because work is stressful, I don’t really get to relax.
ReplyDeleteIs it a bad thing that I’m quietly dreaming for a whole weekend just to myself? I want to wake up and not have to take care of anyone or answer to anyone. I just want to be ALONE. No phone, no TV, no News… Ha I probably would fold after the first 2 hours. I’d want to know how Sky was doing and what Byron was up to. I love my family more than myself but I feel like I’ve lost that person I once was. I’d like to discover her again.
Being a mother is wonderful and stressful. I’m still searching for a balance.